Mayday! Houston, we have a problem…seriously.
July 14, 2011 Leave a comment
So at some point last week (I think?) I posted about moving (I’d go look for that post, but that requires energy and motivation, both of which I’m lacking in my life in huge amounts. Deal. Also, I could have posted this on my fb instead of here, which would make looking for that post a waste of time, energy and motivation. Not gonna happen.) back up on the hill (oh yeah! I did post it here! Just reminded myself…enough with the parenthesis.) Anyway, I was all upset/excited/dramatic about it, both in the post and in real life. I went and bought – yes, bought, rather than haunt grocery stores and begging my neighbors or the homeless for theirs – boxes at 11 PM. But, because I’d rather act dramatic than actually do anything productive, I never started packing.
Turned out to be a good call.
The whole house-on-the-hill deal fell through in a huge way. Remember my rant? Let’s just say, I was right to write that, and would have been more right to remember those feelings instead of making the same dumb mistake again and trusting the person that was written about. Which, now that I am done being bitter and resentful (you can tell I’m over it, right?) I am actually thankful for…can you imagine if we’d done all the packing and hauling and moving and then this had happened? Yeah…I would not be a happy camper…and probably have even more bitter resentment built up!
But the complications have only just begun. See, when we were planning on moving back on the hill, I felt really bad about leaving our awesome landlady without renters. It worked out well that I wanted to find replacement renters, because two of my sisters decided they love my house so much they want to live here too, and rather than fight about who’d get it, they decided to become housemates and rent it in our place! Yay, right?
This whole plan was obviously concocted before our moving plan fell through. 30 day notices were given…I got all excited to declutter and pack and move…and then everything changed. Now, I have two sisters who need to be here by August 10, and I have no where to go to get out of their way.
So, yeah. You can understand the title of this post now, right?
The thing is, you’d think I’d be totally stressed and freaking out and overreacting and yelling a lot, since I really am so dramatic.
That was yesterday. (No, I’m not kidding; yesterday I literally freaked out to the point of tears, which caused my nine year old daughter to freak out. Not a proud parenting moment, not even close.)
This morning I woke up with a new POV, which is, in essence, the way I lived the last six years of my teens – who cares? Whatever will be, will be. The only difference is that back then I had a certain *friend* I used to meet with every other hour or so who helped me keep that frame of mind easily. There are times I really do miss MJ…but actually, this is way better. Now, when I’m about to lose it, instead of having to hunt for a lighter, which makes everything so much more stressful, I just close my eyes and tell myself, “It will all be okay eventually. As long as you keep breathing.”
One of these times I might actually believe myself. Usually, though, I just picture a huge jet airplane falling out of the sky with a smoke trail behind it, and I feel a little better instantly. Because I’m not on it. Not literally. And I’m not bitter or resentful, either, which helps considerably.