Sooo…you know what?
May 22, 2011 Leave a comment
First of all, before anyone says anything, yes, I am a totally indecisive and wishy washy person. It takes me a long time to get committed to something. I’m trying to change but right now I’m still just…me.
After I wrote yesterday’s blog I sat up all night talking and thinking and chatting. Mostly I was thinking about what I’d written and why I’d written it. To be frank, I was being a complete baby. Yeah, I’m weak and pathetic…blah blah blah. Aren’t we all? Everyone has weaknesses that can render us weak and pathetic in some way . So I found one more thing that makes me that way. Oh well. This is a chance to get over it. Adjust, grow up, whatever. The point is, I’m not a terrible person, and I’m not going to keep feeling guilty for being angry.
What I really wanted to write yesterday somehow never made it to the page. The truth is I think it is absolute crap to write something and then not finish it. I have never left a story with an unwritten ending, which is why I don’t write anymore. This is a high expectation, I know…what I would do isn’t the same as what someone else can or should do. But seriously, if you can take the time to write the problem out, then take the time write the ending as well. Or just don’t write it at all if you don’t have the guts to finish it!!
ANYWAY – man, why do I talk so much?? All I wanted to say was I being a baby yesterday! I’m mad at my mom and I have a right to that. Feeling guilty for being angry is about as useful as anything else I’ve done lately – which is not useful at all. So, I’m over it. She was wrong for thinking what she thought and not talking to me about it. I was wrong for making it hard to talk to me. I’m sorry you have to see what an emotional basket case I am…although, honestly, I don’t really feel emotional about any of this. It’s more like…just thoughts. Thoughts that are making me sick and need to be gotten rid of somehow…but I promise I will have the guts to come back and finish it.