Really unhappy right now…
July 13, 2009 Leave a comment
Apparently there’s stuff going on in my life that’s causing me lots of stress and anxiety. Only, I don’t really know what that stuff is, beyond the normal day to day stuff that bugs every wife and mom…so how do I eliminate it?
I don’t want to go to San Fransisco at all. But on the other hand, I am so excited about going that I don’t want to miss out on it just because of stupid anxiety.
This has been becoming more and more of a problem over the last three or four months; I thought it was because I was skipping my meds a lot, but now that I’ve been back on a regular schedule, it’s still happening, so now I’m just more confused than I was. But I’ve noticed a lot of the old patterns replaying themselves in my life – avoiding crowding places, skipping on plans with friends, losing my temper over the smallest things because I’m overwhelmed…and the stupid part is that I can’t seem to remember any of the techniques I learned to deal with this.
It’s just anxiety. It’s not a heart attack, it’s not me getting sick again, it’s just dealing with things in an unhealthy way and my body saying I need to fix it.
So why do I feel like I’m losing my mind? Why does my chest hurt so bad I think it’s a heart attack? Why am I so stupid, that this keeps happening to me? It has to be my fault, has to be something I’M doing since it keeps happening…but I know that’s not true either.
Anyway, I’m a mess right now so I’m going to go try to sleep but I’m not convinced I’ll wake up…lol. Later.