Things on my mind…

First of all, today was another horrible day. (You all have no idea to what “other” horrible days I’ve been going through, but my video diary does. It’s been a rough two weeks.) And now I can’t sleep – again – and I’m impotently furious – again – and I miss all of my friends tremendously. Sometimes it’s when we’re surrounded by those who are supposed to love us that we feel the loneliest…why do I keep forgetting this?

My mom is home from the ICU with an 11 inch scar running from just under her shoulder blade to her chest. She’s full of drain holes and scars and pain pills that don’t seem to help so much. The chemo and radiation is set to start in a few weeks and I’m – we are all – dreading that almost as much as the surgery itself.

As for diet and working out, let’s just say it sucks right now. I went to the grocery store to buy healthy food and instead got so confused about what I was supposed to buy that I came home without anything. I really really hate shopping and food, have I mentioned that lately?

And then tonight, there was an incident about dinner. DH wanted my help to make it, and I didn’t want to eat it, let alone figure out what to have. So I lost my temper, he lost his, and we all ended up grouchier than before. Eventually he gave in and left me alone and I eventually ate. It was not a wonderful night.

ALSO, I am officially sick of my hair and summer. It’s time for scissors, beer and Alaska. Or Canada. Or Norway, I have lots of family there. I may have to settle for the Olivehurst community swimming pool, but it’s nice to think about leaving town.

Okay, so it’s true, sometimes I just come post here to whine and get it all out of my head. Thanks for reading. 🙂


About messymama
I'm a SAHM with a busy schedule and a love of too many things to count! I sew, I write, I draw, and I love to create. I'm always on the lookout for a new project idea. One other very important thing about me - my house is in a continual state of upheaval and mess. Slowly but surely I'm working through the piles and boxes, but I am still in the process, and some days it seems like it would be much easier to pack up and move!

8 Responses to Things on my mind…

  1. srkenney says:

    Honey, I am so sorry! Look, next time I come down I will go shopping with you. The boys can watch the kids for once, and we will go have a beer, then do some serious shopping. IN FACT….I was thinking about starting that fitness blog we’ve been talking about. I went shopping 3 days ago and then took a picture of everything in my fridge, and made a diagram, so that people can see what to buy, how to prepare it and store it. We could have a lot of fun doing this.

    WHERE are your video diaries? I didn’t know about this, I want to do one too! I am also going to start my writing/journal site back up in another place, just so I can have somewhere to vent about life…lol. NEED to vent, NEED to vent! I started a little one to journal about what I am learning from Arjuna: I think that is it anyhow.

    I am sorry about Frankie’s mom too. How awful! Will she make it through? All this has had me thinking about Art. 😦 Still the worst thing that ever happened to me in my whole life.

    Someone wrote me from my moms e-mail account a few days ago and told me she was dead. My aunt was so upset, she called the coroner to find out, who says that they haven’t gotten her body in yet, if she is dead. OR, chances are that she is such a sick person that she would try to fake her own death. Poor thing. Can u imagine?

    I think this is just the summer for life stressors. There is a change happening in the world right now, everyone feels it. The important thing is to just love our God and know that He does everything for a reason, even if it seems like a terrible reason to our tiny brains ;).

    PS: what does it mean when Lane text messages me and says “I don’t get mad, I just get even” and then an hour later, “The tower of Babel is falling”? What a freak.

  2. messymama says:

    Lol!! It means Lane is a freak, lol…don’t ask me to explain men, I will never get them so I have no idea, lol.

    The video diary isn’t posted anywhere yet. I’m a little uneasy about posting myself talking to myself online, you know? I was gonna go with YouTube though because you can set that to private and only have the people you want to see you, be able to see you. (That was a ridiculous sentence, sorry. My writing skills are lacking this morning.)

    Your mother is a sicko and that’s all I have to say about that. I know that’s not nice to say but man, to try something like that…she must be in a really bad spot right now; I’m sorry you have to deal with that.

    I would love to see your picture and diagram! I would also love to go shopping with you. Then you will get a peek into the way my mind works with food and realize I really am too nuts to be skinny ever again, lol.

    I am so down for the fitness blog! We can cover every area of fitness – your expertise, my struggle to apply it and do the right thing, lol. Let’s do it.

    I’m off to look at your new blog.

    • sheasa says:

      I’m not logged in, but it’s me…lol. I logged out to log into Arjunas blog to add something, now I can’t get back into mine. What a day. Yes, my mother is sick. I wish she could only understand that. She really thinks she was this great mom to me, and when I try to tell her how I felt as a child, she cuts me out. Cest la vive, as my dear Ari says.

      I want to start the fitness site with you right away. I am still interested in doing the advice column we discussed, remember the name we came up with for it (which I don’t want to mention here encase someone snags it). We can start a writer’s club again…lollol…remember that??? Oh, I am laughing just thinking about it. Sarah as secretary, Melinda as treasurer (WHY would a writing club for 12 year olds need a treasurer?), me as vice president, you as the Head Honcho. Remember all the semi-pornographic stuff I would write, then we would read it to Chris and embarrass the bejesus out of him. OH, for the good times they are gone, woe is me…

      I wan to do a video blog too, but had to shut down the u-tube site due to lovely stalker. I admit, I am hot, gorgeous, brilliant and more, but to have a 40+ year old woman stalk me is strange, even for my life.

      Well, girl, start up that blog and I will log in (I think I have your password somewhere in my e-mail) and contribute something new once or twice a week. What should we call it???

      CHEER UP!


  3. messymama says:

    Why did we need a secretary, for that matter? To handle all of our business deals? lol! And I forget just how bossy I really am sometimes…until I read Head Honcho anyway, lol. I really have no clue why Sarah was involved anyway, she could barely form a coherent sentence, let alone write a book. I just remember lots of arguing and very little actual writing from anyone but the two of us. That, and how red Chris’s face would get until he pranced away, lol…speaking of that, you never did tell me anything about when you found him this last time. Is he here in town still? Why was it so nightmarish? You can always email my yahoo account rather than post about it here.

    I’ll get on that blog stuff at some point, probably tonight but I’m not sure. Right now I just want to go take a nap somewhere dark and cozy. But I don’t get to do that. I have dishes and sewing and two rooms to paint but the paint bucket is too heavy for me to move alone, so I have to wait for help, and we all know how I feel about THAT!

    I don’t remember any of the names though, I know it’s shocking that perfectly organized and together me forgot something, but there it is, I did. :)) Talk to you soon!

  4. srkenney says:

    Haha! Pranced away…. :). Well he is not gay, I can tell you this because he has a baby…a real one, not the kind he puts in his little fuzzy purse….Hahahah!!! I crack myself into pieces. Seriously, I had the biggest crush on him. I often wonder if I ever got over it. School girl crucshes are wicked. If only someone would have told us then that one day we would be married and not even feel 1/100 of that passion…then I would have boinked him then. JUst kidding…I am being wicked.

    I will e-mail you now. The secret is on it’s way…bwah haha.

  5. messymama says:

    You know you aren’t kidding…that much.


    School girl anything’s pretty wicked, I wouldn’t go back to that age for all of the money in the world.

    And yes, you had a huge crush on him. Who knows, I probably did too, I know all of our other friends did, lol.

  6. messymama says:

    OMG! He’s on Facebook! lol

  7. srkenney says:

    He is on there too? For real? Where?

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