Just one question…
October 10, 2008 Leave a comment
Why on earth can’t I sleep anymore?!
It’s getting out of hand, really and truly. I haven’t been asleep before 3 AM once in the last seven or eight weeks. I’m all crazed out in the rest of my life too, which is kind of an obvious thing to say given that I don’t fall asleep until it’s almost my normal time to get up. DD’s schoolwork routine has slipped so far out of routine it’s non-existent. We are cramming in schoolwork when ever we can – an hour here, twenty minutes while I cook, reading after dinner while I’m sewing. It’s craziness. Lately I’ve been wondering if I should put her in public school for at least part of this year. I just don’t think I can do it all, honestly.
I did the dishes the other day and there were so many dirty ones that I ran of space to stack them after they were cleaned. So I left a few on the counter and now it’s all backed up again. The worst part of any household chore is putting the stuff away after you just spent all that time dealing with it- stacking the dry dishes in the cupboards, carrying the towering piles of clothes into everyone’s closets and hanging them all up or sorting them into drawers. Even grocery shopping, which should be fun since I get to spend money on stuff that I get to eat, is frustrating because after I pick it out, load it on the conveyor belt, shove it in bags and haul it all into the house, I’m still not done. Now I have to find some place to put it all!
It doesn’t help that the kitchen in this house is the most idiotic design I’ve ever seen. Seriously. There is not one single cabinet tall enough to fit a box of cereal or a bottle of ketchup. Everything has to be laid on its side or stored on the counter itself, which drives me absolutely nuts.
On one hand, I can’t wait to move again, since I hate lots of things about this house and it’s never going to feel like my home. On the other hand, since I still have a garage stuffed with things from the first move that I haven’t dealt with, I’m dreading another move.
It would be so much easier to deal with all of this junk though – the house, the husband, the family, the baby shower, the school – if I could get some decent sleep. Everyone keeps telling me to pop a pill. Pills and I don’t do so well together after a few unfortunate accidents, so now I have a paralyzing fear of swallowing any kind of medication, especially something that’s supposed to knock me out. Somehow I doubt that raising my blood pressure and having an anxiety attack after taking a sleeping aid would help me get good rest. I’ve also been told to have a glass of wine or some beer, but again, that’s never going to happen. I honestly think that if I ever start drinking again I won’t stop. So no alcohol…I’m just at a loss now.
It’s rolling over into other areas of my life as well. I lost my temper twice in the last two days, something that I hate doing, and I’ve been a total grouch to anyone who happens to look at me wrong. I have these circles under my eyes and I haven’t been eating anything at all until dinner time, which is so stupid of me and doesn’t help the grouchiness, I’m sure…
So that’s the biggest stress on my mind right this second, and the biggest question in life tonight. I would love to go curl up in bed and think about it until I pass out, but since it’s not quite 3 yet I doubt sleep will be coming…maybe I’ll just do some crafting instead, so I have something to post about tomorrow. :0)