Ah, life

So my life for the past two months has been an up and down roller coaster of emotions. Here’s a short list of things that has gone on…

My mother in law got diagnosed with lung cancer and had a horrible surgery that almost cost her her life, spent over six weeks in the hospital and still isn’t really back to normal. Also they haven’t even started the chemo and radiation yet which is the hardest part.

I wasn’t able to attend a function in San Fransico that I really really wanted to go to, because I was too terrified to go, with my mom being sick and everything it just wasn’t the right thing to do.

My anxiety and panic attacks returned full force. In the course of two weeks I became a neurotic terrified mess all over again, and this time I had a lot of new symptoms I’ve never had before. I ended up in the ER and lost my job over it. I also lost 25 lbs because I couldn’t eat for almost a month. I am just now getting back to normal.

My grandfather died. He’s been sick for a really long time and it was expected, but death is always really hard to accept, especially when the funeral was a huge nightmare gathering of people I never see anymore. We sang at the service which was really scary too but it was a lot better than I thought it could be.

There were several other personal issues between my husband and I and my daughter that had to be dealt with on top of everything else. This is just a tiny bit of the list, by the way, because most of the other stuff either isn’t resolved yet or was basically forgotten in the shuffle.

So this week is kind of a new beginning for me, and for my blog. When I am really stressed out and anxious I spend a lot of time online on blogs that center around dealing with anxiety attacks and that’s the direction I want to go with this blog now. This new beginning doesn’t mean that my anxiety and panic attacks are over; not by a long shot. The road to recovery is barely under my toes yet, it’s that far off. It just means that I’m trying to have a new understanding of my life and my problems.

Also, for the record, I do not love summers and I am really excited for this one to be almost over. And, we have temporary house mates, which is exciting, and, we are getting ready to go fishing which I love to do.

Okay, update over! More to come soon.